That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
