maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
