New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
