I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
