I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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