found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
