did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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