Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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