NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You are a genius and a whore.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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