So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
