cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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