I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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