I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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