Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
