I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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