new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
