At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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