He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Alive.
So much puke
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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