there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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