Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
