Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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