We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
