If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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