My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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