you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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