He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
