I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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