at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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