so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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