I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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