Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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