Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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