Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
