found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
