no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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