So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
