I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
