Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
