it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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