so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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