I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
