Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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