Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
