i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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