i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
