so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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