the condom got lost in my hair
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
