Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
