My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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