i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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