I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
